she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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