I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
