Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
