Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
