I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
