you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
