Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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