you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
