and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
