bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
God gave him joint rollers for hands
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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