Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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