i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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