I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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