I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
