and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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