Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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