i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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