I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
