i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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