On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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