I cockslap morals
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
