Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
