Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
