Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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