2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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