Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
