Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
