4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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