I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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