Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
