just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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