either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
