Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
