I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
