He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
