they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
