Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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