I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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