marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
