we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
