Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
