the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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