I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
too bad you live with your parents still
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
