So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
