Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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