I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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