As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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