so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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