Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
