Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
