my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
