I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
