The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
