he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
